


The Shopping Trip

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [20]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: A little bondage, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gambling, Handcuffs, Jarley - Freeform, Joker and Harley have a happy relationship, No abuse, Shopping, comic book hijinks, minor revenge, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 20:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17393168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Harley, Ivy and Bob go shopping while Joker had a day with friends.





	The Shopping Trip

Joker had his arms crossed over his chest, his bottom lip sticking out like a grumpy child. He hadn’t dressed yet, still wearing his green and purple checked boxers, and an orange t-shirt along with a pair of yellow and green socks. His green hair was in disarray as he sat on the side of the bed pouting. 

Harley rolled her eyes as she pulled on her black boots. She was wearing a pair of tight black pants that looked painted on with a little red and black diamond patterned turtleneck top that stopped just under her ribs, showing off a slice of her stomach. She brushed her hair back off her shoulders and reached up to make sure her pigtails were still even before she walked over to stand in front of her pouting clown. Joker pointedly turned away from her like a petulant child. 

Harley did her best not to giggle, but he was being adorably ornery and she couldn’t help the thrill that passed through her knowing that he didn’t want her to leave. She sighed softly giving him a patient smile. “Puddin, I’ll only be gone for a little while. That’s why Frost, Elmo and the others are coming over. I arranged for you to have a boys day while Ivy and I have a girls day.” Harley reached out and stroked her fingers through his unruly green hair before she tucked a lock behind his ear. “I promise I won’t be gone long.” 

Joker muttered. “I don’t want a boys day, I want a Joker and Harley day.” 

Harley smiled happily, pleased that he didn’t want to spend a day without her, but she simply couldn’t do what she needed to do with him in tow; plus he couldn’t get away with going out during the daytime hours like she could. He was rather noticeable, which would mean them getting arrested or worse, Batman. 

Harley dropped down to a crouch in front of him. She grabbed his knees and spread his legs before she wiggled between them, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. Joker kept his arms cross over his chest for a few seconds before he caved in and wrapped his arms around her. He leaned down to press his nose against her hair, smiling as he breathed her scent in. 

Harley murmured against his stomach. “I promise when I get back to make it up to you puddin. I’ll even make it fun...” She wrinkled her nose at him. “Maybe get the handcuffs out…” 

Joker’s bottom lip still jutted out as he stroked one hand along her head, his thumb tracing the line along her scalp at the part in her hair. When she mentioned the handcuffs he felt a little excitement, but he wasn’t going to let her know that. 

He continued to pout dramatically. “I just don’t know why you have to hang out with that houseplant.” 

Harley giggled, snuggling closer to him. “Because Ivy is my friend puddin.” 

Joker wrinkled his nose. “Fine. Promise to make it up to me?” 

Harley smiled, her eyes closed, enjoying hugging him. “I promise puddin, I’ll give you a lap dance…” 

She felt the soft vibration of Joker’s growl of pleasure at the idea. She pushed back and smiled. “So--you have fun while I’m gone and think about handcuffs and lap dances, okay?” 

Joker sighed. “Fine.” 

Harley giggled standing up, cupped his face in her hands, and kissed him--a deep, passionate kiss that roused a shiver of pleasure in both of them before she stepped back. “I better get going. Bob is driving and I promised to meet Ivy downtown.” Harley hurried over to the dresser to grab her purse and coat. 

Joker stood and walked slowly over to the closet to look at his suits. “Don’t let your walking tree get you in trouble. You have your gun?” 

Harley stopped in the doorway in the middle of slipping on her cute little red biker style jacket, which was now hanging off one arm. She quickly opened her purse. “Yep--got it!” 

Joker pulled out a dark plum colored dress shirt. “Brass knuckles?” 

Harley stopped again after sliding on her jacket to look in her purse. “Knuckles, check.” 

“Mace?” Joker slipped on his shirt without looking over at her. 

“Check!” Harley smiled turning just as Joker called out. “Phone, bubblegum?” 

Harley had slipped out of the door. Joker was pulling on a pair of black slacks when he heard her squeak and come racing back into the room, running over to grab her cellphone off the table as well as the package of bubblegum. “Thanks puddin!” 

Joker leveled a smile at her while buttoning his vest. “Welcome sweets.” 

Harley rushed over and planted a kiss on his cheek before she zipped off. He heard her boots on the stairs as she rushed to the ground floor. He sighed looking in the closet to pull out a colorful red and gold paisley tie, murmuring to himself. “Hurry back pumpkin.” 

* 

Bob, who was not wearing a tutu today, but instead looked a little sad in a regular blue suit. (He had chosen as decoration a tiny unicorn with rainbow colored wings pinned to his lapel. Harley had told him no tutus today because they were trying to blend in. She hated how sad the big man had looked, so she promised to buy him a new tutu while they were out today for the New Year.) He found an empty parking meter along the busy sidewalk and pulled in after a glaring standoff with another car who thought to steal the spot. Bob was a happy, jolly person, but when he gave his death stare, everyone better run. Once he parked the car, Harley and Bob hit the sidewalk, walking through the busy weekend shopping crowd while looking for Ivy. 

After walking for a few minutes, looking for the corner Ivy had said to meet her on, Harley saw her. Ivy stood on the corner near the Gotham Grind coffee shop with a cup of coffee in her hand. She had her red hair pulled partly back in Victory curls; she looked both trendy and vintage at the sametime. She had on green leggings with thigh high brown boots, an empire style top decorated with vines and leaves along with a long, dark green coat. Harley made a face at her friend. It was like Ivy was advertising it was her! Geez, but if anyone was putting two and two together they were giving no indication as most of the people on the Gotham sidewalk simply walked by her, though a few men and women gave Ivy a once over, or tripped over their own feet as they walked by the gorgeous redhead. Harley made a face, scrunching up her nose. Ivy always turned heads, but she told herself she didn’t care because she had her puddin and that was more than enough for her. 

When Ivy saw them she waved, a bright smile on her face. 

With Bob’s help navigating the crowd, they quickly made their way over to Ivy’s side. 

Ivy threw her arms around Harley and hugged her friend tight. “It seems like forever since I last saw you!” 

Harley hugged Ivy back weaving them both back and forth in place with her glee. “Oooh I missed you too! You should really come over sometime.” 

Ivy laughed. “Well, maybe. “ The redhead turned her attention to Bob, throwing her arms around the big man who hugged her back. “Oh Bob, you look good.” 

Bob smiled lifting Ivy off her feet as he hugged her. 

Harley laughed. “He’s a little upset because I told him no tutu today, but I promised to buy him one while we’re out.” 

Ivy laughed as Bob set her back down. “Of course we will.” She patted Bob’s belly before turning back to Harley. “Okay, so what are you wanting to get that clown of yours for a new year’s gift?” 

Harley smiled. “Well, I want to buy him some shoes and a new cane. And I would like to get them for him like a normal girlfriend, you know...like actually pay for them.” 

Harley looked pleased. She had thought about this long and hard, some fancy shoes and a cane were just the thing for her puddin. 

Ivy nodded. “You couldn’t figure out how to steal them without him knowing right?” 

Harley wrinkled her nose at Ivy who laughed. “It’s fine. It’s nice to be “normal.”” (Here Ivy used air quotes.) “Once in a while, at least, to pretend we are just like everyone else. But since I have you here, we are not just going to do shopping for your clown. I think we deserve to do a little shopping for ourselves, don’t you think?” 

Harley squealed. “Yeah!!!” 

She leaned close to whisper in Ivy’s ear. “Though I do have a handful of stolen credit cards to use. This really stuffy rich guy dropped his wallet, had $400 cash and three credit cards. Bob checked and the cards each have several thousand free on them.” 

Ivy laughed. “Well, we can’t be too normal can we. So, where to first?” 

Harley grinned wide. “Bergduffs!” 

* 

Joker took a long, hard drag on his cigarette leaning against the wall as he looked over the group that Harley had invited over with his “boys day” milling about the main living room of the hideout, drinking beer, and eating chips (Harley had made sure to provide them with a variety of junk food as well as beer and Kool-aid). There was Frost of course, who was standing next to him at the moment; Elmo, who used to work at Arkham as a janitor until he helped Joker escape once; Gaggy, a short man with a bowl haircut dressed in his old clown costume, a diamond patterned orange and brown unitard with a stiff ruffled collar. (Joker prayed the man had washed the thing since the last time he had seen Gaggy, which was years ago.) Gaggy used to be his sidekick, (and who Joker thought was looking a bit sour around the edges and was clearly losing his sense of humor. When the short man had shown up, Joker had been shocked to see him alive, having been convinced he himself had killed Gaggy years ago. He remembered, vaguely, that Gaggy had still been part of the gang when he had brought Harley in and there had been some sort of dispute, but honestly Joker couldn’t really remember what had happened. All he did remember was the sour taste seeing the little man left on Joker’s tongue. Whatever it was that had happened, Joker was sure it had been a killing offense.)

Also in attendance was Penguin, who looked uncomfortable to be here sitting on the edge of the couch as if afraid he would catch something, along with Riddler who had brought two of the lamest people Joker could think of with him--Mad Mod, that freaky little Englishman with the bad hair and worse clothing (he made Austin Powers look like a fashion icon) and Clock King, a sandy haired blonde with little round glasses, (who showed up in one of those printed graphic shirts covered in clocks. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Harley didn’t like him killing people in the hideout, Joker would have killed Clock King on sight for the abuse that shirt was doing to his eyes.) Joker rolled his eyes again just looking at the three of them having some sort of debate about riddlers and games. The last member of their jolly group was Archie, a short clown, who had come to the “party” in full birthday clown makeup and who also happened to be suicidal. 

That, Joker thought with a soft giggle, made Archie all sorts of fun. 

Joker blew out a long stream of smoke as he glanced at Frost. “So what did Harls have in mind for us to do?” 

Frost frowned slightly. “Well, she thought it might be fun for us to play a video game together.” 

Joker’s expression perked up. “Video games?” 

Frost nodded. “Yeah, she had the guys bring around those televisions we still have sitting around, the ones we weren’t able to sell and a couple of more systems so we could play…” 

Joker laughed and clapped his hands. “Perfect!! Let’s get everything set up darling, it's time for JokerMan to kick some virtual ass!” 

* 

A few minutes later, everything was set up in the main living room of Joker’s hideout, with three televisions and all the boys either playing or cheering on the others. Joker was grinning from ear to ear as he smashed his buttons swiftly, shooting several members of Riddler’s team, which ended with a mixed chorus of cheers and boos. 

Riddler yelled. “I don't know how you are doing it, but you’re cheating!” 

Joker sneered back. “Why cheat when I am so good?!” 

Standing behind Riddler, watching the players, Mad Mod tilted his head, pushing his round blue tinted glasses up his long nose studying the game. “I wonder if any of those things could be done in real life.” 

Gaggy was leaning against the wall nearby, clearly drunk already as he belched. “I saw a guy fall off a building, slam into a car and walk away once.” 

Mad Mod turned to look at him. “You did not.” 

“Did too. It was a job with Joker, wasn’t it Boss?” Gaggy belched again before he finished off his beer. 

Joker didn’t look over as he answered. “Are you talking about Humpty? Because he doesn’t count. You remember the size of that man! He made Bob look dainty.” 

Penguin was leaning back in his seat, his legs crossed. “I agree. Humpty shouldn’t count, but I did have one of my men fall off a building and live. The Batman had tripped him and the man fell six stories, bounced off the roof of the car and walked away...or rather ran away.” 

Riddler frowned. “That’s not possible, unless he was a meta-human.” 

Penguin shook his head. “Nope, Daniel was a plain old human human. Found that out for sure when I shot him in the head for double dealing.” 

Mad Mod frowned. “You know what else you can do in a game that you can’t do in real life, double jump.” 

Joker made a rude sound. “Now that’s not true, I’ve seen Batsy do a double jump lots of time.” 

Gaggy muttered. “Yeah, ‘cause we all know you only have eyes for the Batman.” 

Joker turned to glare at Gaggy over his shoulder. “What?” 

Gaggy shrugged. “Everyone knows you love Batman.” 

Joker made a face. “Eww! Do not.” Joker giggled. “He is just fun to play with. He’s my best buddy next to Harley.” 

Clock King chuckled. “You are lucky to have her...va va voom.” 

Joker turned his glare from Gaggy to Clock King. “Don’t talk about her.” His voice was flat, but his narrowed eyes looked dangerous. 

Clock King put his hands up. “Sorry, just...she’s gorgeous, just acknowledging you’re a lucky guy.” 

Joker turned back to the game with a smile though his eyes were still narrowed. “I know I am.” 

Riddler pointed at the screen. “You know what else would never happen in real life, dropping or falling down into a bush and walking away.” 

Joker snickered wiggling his eyebrows. “Depends on the bush.” 

Everyone laughed in response. 

“You know another thing that video games get wrong, is how many times you can get shot before you fall. I think most of us can agree, one bullet is enough to make anyone stop, unless you’re on drugs,” Elmo pointed out. “One shot is usually all it takes.” 

Joker grinned. “I’ve been shot lots of times, one bullet doesn’t put me down.” 

Riddler muttered. “Well you’re crazy. One would be enough for me.” 

Joker opened his mouth to make a snarky reply when his blue eyes suddenly lit up. Frost, who was sitting near Joker caught the change in his Boss’s profile and turned to give Joker his full attention. That was when he saw the sparkle in Joker’s eyes. 

Oh no...Frost cringed, something was coming and he was afraid it wasn’t going to be pleasant. 

Joker turned his attention to Archie. “Hey PeeWee!” 

Archie, who was sipping on a beer glanced over. “It’s Archie.” 

“Whatever, you still suicidal?” Joker asked with smile. 

“Nothing matters,” Archie said with a deadpan expression. 

Joker laughed. “Boys, I have an idea!” 

* 

Harley, Ivy and Bob arrived at the front of Bergduffs department store, one of the largest and most expensive shopping places in Gotham with the most exclusive of merchandise. 

Ivy grinned. “How many credit cards do you have?” 

Harley giggled. “I have three!” 

Harley stopped to pull the stolen cards out and passed one to Bob and another to Ivy. “I figure we have a few hours with them before we can’t use them.” 

Ivy grinned. “Well, let’s get started shall we? Race you to the shoe department.” 

Harley laughed. “You’re on Red.” 

* 

Harley found the perfect pair of leather oxfords for Joker. They were purple and grey two tone with the pointed tips he liked so much, and all the little details and decorations--they were perfect!! Just perfect. After she purchased them, she hugged the box, pleased as punch with herself and doubly excited with how Joker would react to her gift. She sighed with a happy smile. She loved giving him things; her Joker’s reactions were always the best. 

She also bought herself a pair of red, 1940’s inspired heels that had a little red ribbon in the front, and a pair of black heels that laced up her calf that she planned on pairing with a pair of lace panties and matching bra, and nothing else--another little gift for her puddin. For later. 

She carried her purchases over to where Ivy and Bob were still looking at shoes for Ivy. Bob had made some purchases himself, finding a pair of pink Pumas and powder blue Vans. Bob had also purchased a pair of shoes for his best friend Frost, a pair of mirror shiny black slip ons. 

Ivy was currently debating between a pair of shoes. She had her leg out, a dark green bootie on her foot being held by a store associate. The heel of the thing looked like a needle point Harley thought, it was so thin looking...reminded her of a syringe; she shuddered. The man who was delicately holding Ivy’s heel for her was clearly under one of Ivy’s potions. The mark of lipstick was clear on his lips, and his eyes had that befuddled look in them as he gazed longingly at Ivy. 

Ivy smiled. “Oh hey Harls, tell me what you think of these.” 

Harley frowned with one eyebrow lifted. “Can you even walk in them?” 

Ivy smiled, fluttering her eyes seductively. “Who needs to walk everywhere?” 

Harley giggled. “Well they look good on you, but then, everything does.” 

Ivy laughed lightly brushing her hair over her shoulder. “You are right my dear. Okay Danny, I’ll take them.” 

“Yes, Miss Ivy.” Danny delicately removed the shoe, his movements reminding Harley of a marionette. 

Harley giggled. “Gave him the old whammy, huh Red?” 

Ivy smiled. “Well I know I didn’t have to, but he is so much more attentive this way.” 

Harley laughed and added. “I’m going to run over to men’s clothing.” 

Ivy nodded. “I’ll meet you there dear. I’m not quite done here.” 

Harley waved with her fingers at Ivy before she linked her arm through Bob’s. “Come on Bob--I need your help.” 

Ivy watched the two of them stroll off with a smile before she turned her attention back to Danny. “You know Danny, I think my feet are sore.” 

“Let me rub them for you Miss Ivy.” 

Ivy leaned back with a smile. “You are such a good boy.” 

* 

The men’s section of Bergduffs was massive. Harley looked around with her mouth open in wonder, finding all sorts of things she wanted to buy her puddin, all sorts of thing she wanted to dress him up in and then take him out of. She giggled to herself at the thought. 

She whispered with wide eyes. “It’s like all my fantasies in one place Bob, everything I have ever wanted to see Mistah J in…” 

Bob made no sound, but she could feel the chuckle that ran through his body. 

Harley grinned. “I think I’m going to buy more than a cane!” 

* 

When Ivy finally arrived, with Danny in tow carrying several bags of shoes, Ivy could tell something was up. Harley seemed to be sulking over by the men’s underwear which she knew for a fact was one of Harley’s favorite places. The girl loved picking out boxers for that clown. Ivy shuddered with revulsion at the thought of Joker in underwear, but she quickly brought her focus back on her friend. 

Harley was looking at a rack full of silk boxer shorts in a variety of colors, but Ivy could tell that Harley wasn’t really “looking” at them. Instead Harley was running her finger along the rack, her bottom lip sticking out and Bob hovering protectively around her. Ivy frowned in confusion. She had expected to find Harley nose deep in men’s suits and slobbering over everything as images of dressing her clown danced in her head. Harley liked dressing Joker almost as much as Joker liked dressing himself. 

“Harley hun, what’s up?” Ivy asked as she stopped next to Bob cocking her hip and looking over at her friend while Danny stood behind her like a good little boy. 

Harley turned. “Ivy, do I look cheap?” 

Ivy frowned in surprise. “Cheap? Why on earth would you ask me a question like that Harls? Of course you don’t look cheap!” 

Harley sucked on her bottom lip before she answered. “Well the store clerk over there, Lance…” Harley indicated with her head a man standing by the register. He was wearing a clearly tailored brown suit, his hair slicked back until it shown with whatever hair products he used making him look as if he were wearing a helmet. “When I was asking about suits, told him I wanted something really nice and expensive for my puddin, he told me that they didn’t have anything for me in here. He said I should try the clearance rack or…” She leaned close. “He gave Bob was once over, it with the most disgusted look I’ve ever seen Red! Poor Bob looked like he might cry, but he told us that we should try the Big and Tall Discount suit market on 11th!” Harley blinked back humiliated tears. “You know what 11th street is like!!! When I told him I had money to spend and that Bob didn’t need a suit, he liked tutus, that man laughed at us and told me that…” Here Harley deepened her voice. “...persons such as you have no business being in here. We only serve decent people, not der Abschaum der Menschheit.” Harley frowned. “Then he turned his back on me and walked over there. I don’t even know what der Abschaum der Menschheit means!!!” She wailed and fell into Ivy’s arms. 

Ivy narrowed her eyes at the store clerk, holding Harley against her chest at the same time a clearly upset Bob wrapped his arms around both women. Ivy reached around to put an arm around Bob too. “He said that did he? Well, we’ll just see about that.” 

* 

The wind was blowing slowly, the sky grey and heavy with rain clouds. The scent on the air was a mix of sewage, impending rain and salt, and the wind blew dried leaves and pieces of garbage down the street. Joker stood on top of the building wearing his long dark purple trench coat, a pair of wayfarer sunglasses with purple lenses and his dark purple fedora, a cigarette in between his gloved fingers while he looked down at the street below from his vantage on the roof of the abandoned building they had all traveled to for this little experiment. There were a few old beat up looking, rather plain old cars parked along the sidewalk at least five floors below. The rest of the group was with him, all of them leaning over to look down. 

Joker smiled taking in a deep breath. “Ah, Gotham during the day…” He wrinkled his nose. “I hate it,” he muttered before he turned his attention to the drop, looking over with the rest of them and chuckled. “That’s a pretty good drop there.” 

Riddler snorted. “No one could survive that.” 

Joker took a drag on his cigarette before he spoke. “You know…” A cloud of smoke slowly eased from between his red lips as he spoke. “Batsy survives little drops like that all the time.” 

Clock King nodded. “That’s true you know...though how does he do it?” 

Penguin, who was smoking his own his cigarette at the end of a long thin holder barked out a laugh. “Because he’s a bat.” 

Joker twisted his lips in thought. “I think that suit he wears has to come with like...air bags or something.” Joker chuckled. “That would be hilarious!” 

Penguin gave him a dirty look. “That’s stupid.” 

Joker shrugged. “Maybe he’s like that Superdork in Metropolis.” 

Riddler shook his head. “Nope, Batman isn’t an alien. I think he is just lucky. Besides, none of us sees him after he has a fall, so we don’t know how banged up he really is.” 

Joker murmured. “I don’t think he gets banged up. I mean, I’ve seen him bleed…” 

Gaggy, a beer in hand, looked down. “I thought we were going to see if video game shit was real and not sit up here in the cold and talk about that fucking Batman, unless this is the Batman Lovers Club. Are we going to toss Archie over or what?” 

Joker frowned at Gaggy. The man was making it clear why he was no longer in Joker’s employ, but Joker was beginning to wonder why the man was even still breathing. He may have to correct that. 

Archie sighed before taking a drag off his cigar. “I’m ready whenever you guys are.” 

Joker giggled. “Okay Bonsai, you ready to see if you can survive jumping from a building like in our game?” 

Archie sighed and tossed his cigar away before he walked over. “All ready--and it’s Archie.” 

Joker grinned, holding his cigarette between his teeth and clapped his hands together loudly before rubbing them together. “Okay Frost, toss ‘im over!!” 

Frost cringed as he walked over to Archie and picked the clown up by the back of his costume. “Sorry about this,” Frost murmured. 

Archie shrugged. “It ain’t gonna work. I’ll probably survive--unfortunately.” 

Frost gave the short man a confused look. 

Archie shrugged. “I’m suicidal. I’ve tried drowning, but I’m too good a swimmer, tried suffocating myself, but someone has always stopped me or I just pass out. I shot myself in the head once, bullet’s still in there. I’m not very good at dying.” 

Frost muttered. “Wow.” 

Archie nodded. “Yeah, well...let’s see if this works. Toss me.” 

Frost sighed. Some days were just weirder than others. “Okay.” 

And with that, Frost tossed the shorter man off the side of the building. 

Everyone rushed to the edge to watch Archie fall, only for everyone to gasp or groan in unison when Archie’s costume snagged against the corner of the fire escape, the little man slammed against the side of the metal stairs with a grunt and hung there like a pinata. Everyone saw Archie throw his hands up frustration. 

Joker snorted on a laugh. “Again!!!” 

Frost and Gaggy went down to pull Archie free and bring the man up to the roof of the building once more. It had begun to drizzle. 

Joker motioned with his cigarette between his fingers. “Can you toss him over your head? And see if you aim for that trash can?” 

Frost leaned over looking for the mention can and shrugged. “I think so.” 

Joker giggled with glee. “Do it! Ready Titch?!” 

Archie sighed as Frost picked him up and held the small man over his head. “It’s still Archie and yeah, let’s do it.” 

Penguin grinned. “Wait, wait my lads, who is interested in a little wager?” 

Mad Mod chuckled. “I’ll take some of that.” 

“Me too.” Riddler waved his hand. 

Joker shrugged. “Why not. I say $200 he lives.” 

Riddler snorted. “There is no way that Archie can survive more than once. The odds are against it.” 

Joker grinned wickedly around his cigarette, smoke slowly coiling from his nostrils. “Wanna bet some money on that Mr. Question?” 

Riddler narrowed his eyes. “You’re on clown.” 

Penguin smiled. “Well, let us place our wagers.” 

Frost sighed, setting Archie on his feet while they waited for the bets to pass hands. Frost looked down at Archie. “Are you really okay with all this?” 

Archie shrugged. “Hey, I’m hoping I die, so yeah, I’m good with it.” 

Frost blinked and shrugged. “Okay then.” 

* 

Back at the department store, Harley and Bob hid behind a rack of suits with Danny beside them, watching as Ivy, her hips swaying from side to side, walked up to the sales clerk named Lance who had been so insulting to Harley and Bob. 

Harley snickered. “You think Ivy is gonna do her whammy?” 

Bob nodded vigorously and Harley giggled. “Yeah, this’s gonna be funny.” 

Harley reached into her purse and pulled out her bubblegum, popping a piece in her mouth and handing one to Bob as the two of them looked on. 

Ivy stopped in front of the register where Lance was helping a young man make a selection from a glass case containing cufflinks. “Now these…” He pulled out a pair of gold and emerald cufflinks. “...are quite exquisite. They are made with…” 

Ivy cleared her throat. 

Lance glanced in her direction. “I’ll be right with you miss.” 

Ivy noticed that he gave her a swift once over. It wasn’t a look of lust or a simple male gaze to look her quickly up and down to measure her features. No, this was a look sizing up whether she was worth his time, whether she was wealthy enough for him to bother being polite to and clearly deciding that she wasn’t worth his time. 

“I’ll be with you soon ma’am, as soon as I’m done with this paying customer,” Lance said, actually lifting his nose slightly into the air. 

Ivy blinked in surprise at the man’s dismissal. She would never say this to Harley, but she had expected this man to be a little more polite to her at least. Harley was adorable, but she could be a little...immature and a bit...well Harley was cute, but she wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, so it wasn’t surprising if she wasn’t always treated the best by certain people. But that aside, Ivy was used to be treating well all the time, even without her abilities men and women tended to just...bow to her, fall over themselves to make her happy. It was an effect she had always had with her red hair and curvy figure. She knew she was sexy, good looking in a seductress sort of way, the kind of woman who could kill with a look. Ivy knew she was elegant, seductive and desirable. While Harley was cute, more the high school cheerleader and sweet nerdy girl rolled into one that you brought home to mom (aside from the murder and mayhem moments.) Sexy was not something Ivy would attribute to Harley though she knew some men found that ditzy, cute blonde routine adorable. Clearly the Joker found Harley irresistible, which was all fine and good because, ew Ivy thought. If Harley wanted the psycho clown and the clown wanted Harley...good for them, but this...Some nobody sales clerk in a high end, but still a department store, named Lance, didn’t think she, Dr. Pamela Isley, super villain and seductress Poison Ivy, was worth his time to stop what he was doing and pay attention?! Ivy was not only insulted, she was angry. Everyone thought she was attractive--everyone--and that included Batman (no matter how many times that winged freak protested, Ivy knew.) Well, she was just going to have to show this man that he was not better than her, not better than anyone and that no one made her best friend feel like trash. 

Ivy opened her purse and pulled out her special tube of lipstick.. She could exude pheromones, but she didn’t want the entire department store at her beck and call--just this asshole. So she had taken her natural pheromones and with a little of her scientific knowledge, condensed her natural ability to seduce into a tight little package of lipstick that gave her the same concentrated effect without her having to build up a sweat and affect more people than she wanted to control. 

Lance was speaking to the man with the cufflinks, directing him to where he could take them in the store (once he purchased them of course) to the jewelry counter where they would find him a necklace and matching earrings to compliment his cuffs for the customer’s girlfriend when Ivy, after applying her lipstick, used her hips to push her way between the two men. 

Lance gasped, the disgust clear in his features. “Ma’am, I’ll have to ask you to…” 

Ivy reached across the counter and grabbed Lance by his tie with one hand, nearly hauling him off his feet, at the same time pressing her lips against his mouth. 

Lance grabbed her shoulders trying to push her off, but after a couple of intense seconds, Lance’s body went slack. Ivy placed him back on his feet, turning to the customer. 

“Sorry about that dear, I just need to speak with my boyfriend.” Ivy smiled. 

The young man nodded with a slight smile. “Sure, I understand completely.” 

He turned and quickly left. Once the customer was out of sight, Ivy motioned Harley and Bob over. 

Harley giggled, grabbing Bob’s hand the two of them rushing over with Danny running behind them. 

Harley ran over to Lance and ran her hand back and forth in front of his face. “So he’s all whammied? 

Ivy gave her friend a smug grin. “He is. So what do you want to make him do?” 

Harley giggled. “Oh, I have a few ideas.” 

* 

The group of villains were all yelling, a combination of cheers and boos as Frost came back onto the roof with Archie tucked under his arm, resembling a sack of potatoes more than a miniature clown. The little man had survived the throw, missed the trash can, and landed on the tented roof of a camper that had pulled up--pulled behind a pickup truck--just seconds after Frost had thrown the little clown. Archie had hit the sturdy material, bounced once into the air before he tore through the heavy canvas and crashed inside the camper, which for some bizarre reason was fully extended. The owner of the camper hadn’t noticed, having wobbled out of the cab of his truck, clearly drunk and passed out on the sidewalk, never noticing the group of criminals on the roof of the building or the clown that had crashed through his camper. 

Joker was laughing to the point he was in tears. He had bet in favor of Archie surviving and was now leaning on the half wall that ran around the roof to keep himself up. 

“Oh my GOD!! Did you see that??! He actually bounced!!” Joker wheezed with laughter. 

Riddler snarled. “You cheated, I don’t know how…” 

Joker continued to laugh, walking over to wrap an arm around Riddler’s shoulders. “Oh come on! How could I have cheated?” 

Riddler made a face and muttered. “I hate you.” 

Joker gave Riddler’s shoulders a squeeze before he kissed him on the cheek. “You love me.” 

Riddler gave him a dirty look, but Joker had turned to examine Archie (taking Riddler with him as his arm was still around Riddler’s shoulder) who looked bruised, but not broken. “You wanna be tossed again or do we want to try the double jump?” 

Archie, still positioned under Frost’s arm, shrugged. “I don’t care. Though Boss, I don’t think I can do a double jump, legs are too short.” 

Joker gasped releasing his hold on a sour looking Riddler. “You’re right Lucky!” (Archie muttered. “Still Archie.”) Okay, who wants to volunteer for the double jump test?” 

Riddler snorted. “Not me. Make Penguin do it.” 

Penguin gave an indignant sniff. “I do not jump.” 

Joker giggled. “Which is why Batman catches you every time.” 

“What’s your excuse?” Riddler asked. “Oh I forget, you get off on him beating the shit out of you.” 

Joker stuck his tongue out. “You’re just jealous old BatAss likes me and Harley better.” 

Riddler started to stay something when Clock King interrupted. “I’ll try the double jump.” 

Everyone on the roof turned to look at Clock King. 

The younger man shrugged. “I’m young, fit, used to high places, so why not. I know I can do it.” 

Joker narrowed his eyes, his red lips slowly forming a smile. 

* 

A few minutes later everyone was in a semicircle around Clock King. The young man was leaning to the side stretching his legs as he eyed the space between the building they were all standing on and the one he was suppose to jump to. The only way to make the jump would be if he could glide, or make a double jump. 

Joker was leaning hard on Frost, struggling with his snickering and giggling. Frost stood still, holding his boss up. Archie stood on Frost’s other side watching the Clock King do a few warm up jumping jacks. 

“That jerk’s gonna break both his legs,” Archie muttered. “Or he is going to be lucky enough to kill himself. The bastard.” 

Joker wheezed, wiping away his tears of laughter. “Okay Clock King, you ready?” 

Clock King nodded and got into position. He grinned over his shoulder at everyone. “Ready.” 

Joker yanked his hand up and waved it over his head like he was a hot girl at a street race. “GO!” 

Clock King took off. 

Joker brought his knuckles up to his lips with a giggle. “The tension is killing me!’ 

* 

At the department store, Ivy, Harley, Bob, and Danny the shoe sales clerk--surrounded with bags loaded down with free merchandise--watched at Lance got up on his counter and began to do a strip tease. Ivy was standing with her phone out, taking video of Lance’s spontaneous striptease. 

Harley laughed, putting her fingers in her mouth and whistled. “That’s right baby!! Take it all off!!” 

Lance grinned at her, running his fingers along the sides of his crotch. 

Ivy giggled, shaking her head at Harley. “I can’t believe you.” 

Harley grinned. “Hey, he deserves it. All these free clothes and stuff is great, but he needs to be humiliated.” Harley’s eyes narrowed with clear menace as she muttered. “He’s lucky that’s all he’s getting. Besides, you whammied him; I didn’t. I’m just taking advantage.” She giggled again. 

Bob was clapping his hands in time to music only he could hear as Lance, his tie cocked to the side and his shirt partway undone, grinned from ear to ear as he slowly unzipped his slacks. Ivy shrugged her agreement and giggled as Lance dropped his slacks to his ankles before he kicked them toward Bob, who caught them out of the air. Lance proceeded to wink and run his fingers over his lips, giving Bob a come hither look. Bob blushed, turning several shades of red holding Lance’s slacks to his chest. 

The girls were discussing whether or not to have Lance do something else when they heard someone yell. “Lance! What the fuck are you doing man?!” 

All of them turned to see a rotund security guard come rushing toward them, with several curious customers right behind him. The man was huffing, glanced over at Harley and her group with a red faced apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry ladies, sir...oh hey Danny. I’m...ah, not quite sure what's wrong with Lance, but I assure you this is not how he acts...I’m sure it's just the holiday stress.” 

Harley giggled glancing at Ivy. “Oh that’s fine, we completely understand don’t we girls?” 

Ivy smirked. “Completely.” 

Bob and Danny nodded. 

The guard reached up to grab Lance, who batted his hand at him. “I can’t! My public demands more!” Lance then proceeded to pull his underwear down. 

Harley squealed, covered her eyes with a laugh at the same time Ivy grabbed her shoulders and turned Harley around. “Okay, let’s get going. Come along boys.” 

The four of them quickly left the store while the poor security guard, with a steadily growing crowd, began to try to talk the half-naked Lance down off the register counter while Lance, his hands behind his head, swung his hips around trying to make his penis twirl like a pair of tassel pasties. 

* 

Once outside Harley was forced to lean against the building laughing in tears until she could catch her breath. Ivy snickered watching her. “That was pretty funny.” 

“You got the video?” Harley asked, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands. 

Ivy wiggled her hand that held the phone. “Sure do. I’ll have this online in the next hour.” 

“Awesome! I can’t wait to show Mistah J!” Harley tried to catch her breath, but the giggles wouldn’t let her. She took a deep breath, then grinned before she asked. “So you want us to give you a ride?” 

Ivy shook her head. “Nah, that’s fine. I can find my own way home.” 

Harley glanced at Danny who was standing to the side holding Ivy’s many purchases. “What about him?” 

Ivy smiled reaching out to stroke her fingers along Danny’s ear. “I think I’m going to keep him, at least for a while. He gives great foot massages.” Ivy reached out and ran her fingertips along Danny’s jaw. “Who knows what else he’s good at.” She gave Harley a smile. “Good help is so hard to find.” 

Harley giggled shaking her head. “You are bad Red.” 

Ivy grinned. “You love it.” 

Harley giggled coming closer to throw her package laden arms around her friend. Ivy wrapped her arms around Harley and held her close, giving her a tight squeeze while Harley said between chuckles. “Okay, well you have fun with your new toy and thanks for coming with me. Mistah J is going to love all this stuff!” 

Ivy squeezed her back. “You have fun playing dress up with your clown.” 

Harley’s lust filled gaze was only dimmed by the wicked glee of her smile. “Oh, I plan on it.” 

Ivy laughed with a little shake of her head. “Now who is the bad one now?” 

* 

Back at the unknown location on top of an abandoned building in Gotham… 

Everyone watched at Clock King took off at a run. 

Joker chuckled. “This is gonna be great! RUN CK!! RUN!” 

Penguin shook his head. “Idiot.” 

Riddler hissed. “Come on...win me some money.” 

Joker gave Riddler a side eye. “You’re an idiot for always betting against me.” 

Riddler gave him a dirty look. “It’s not a bad bet because you’re such a dick hole.” 

Joker looked surprised before muttering back. “You’re a dick hole.” 

“You’re a dick hole.” Riddler followed this by sticking his tongue out. 

“No, you’re a dick hole.” Joker stuck his tongue out. 

“Dick Hole.” Riddler yelled. 

Joker followed with another. “Dick Hole!” This time adding a middle finger. 

Ridder was about to respond when Clock King hit the ledge, he pushed himself up, gaining height as he leapt, he made a motion using his arms and hips, his entire body moving as if he were trying to yank himself up into the air. He was suspended in the space between the building, the spot that was nearly an equal distance between both buildings in which where was no way that Clock King could either come back or go forward. For a split second Clock King hovered in the air, attempting to create a burst, another jump when in the next second the villain fell, plunging down between the two buildings. 

Everyone rushed to the edge, heard the sound of Clock King hitting the street followed by the man’s agonizing screech of pain. They all looked over the edge of the building. 

Joker winced leaning dangerously far over the edge to look down at the wailing heap of Clock King. “Ouch.” He frowned slightly. “Wonder if he’s still…” 

They all heard the moan of pain followed by the very distant sound of sirens. 

Joker looked surprised. “Well damn, he’s still alive!” 

Frost, who for some strange reason, still had Archie under his arm, hissed. “Boss, I think someone finally called the cops on us. We need to get out of here.” 

Joker glanced at Frost and nodded before he shifted his gaze to look along the row of men who were all gazing morbidly down on the alley below. “I suppose one of us ought to go check…” Joker muttered with no enthusiasm at all glancing over at Frost who shrugged. 

The sound of sirens, still far away, could be heard echoing off the many buildings of Gotham, coming closer with each passing second. 

Riddler stood up straight looking almost exactly like a meerkat Joker thought as the man turned a wide eyed look toward the sound. 

“We better break this party up,” Riddler murmured before turning his attention to Penguin. “Okay bird, let’s settle the bets. The last thing I want on my record is to be arrested for being disorderly and reckless endangerment...so tacky.” 

Penguin muttered. “Fine fine.” 

Within another minute, everyone quickly disappeared from the roof leaving only Frost, Archie, Gaggy, and Joker remaining. 

Joker yawned as he pulled out a cigarette from an inside pocket of his jacket. Frost pulled out a lighter from his jacket pocket and offered a light to Joker. Joker gave him a smile before leaning in to light his cigarette. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave as he took a deep drag off his cigarette and slowly let the smoke drift out from between his lips and nostrils. He turned his gaze toward Archie, gazing at the little man (who Frost had finally put on his feet). “How would you like to join my gang Archie? I have room for someone like you.” 

Archie, his voice never once alternating in timbre from the flat, dull monotone he had spoken in all day, said, “Why? ‘Cause I’m suicidal?” 

Joker chuckled. “Exactly. Makes you a perfect fit for our merry little group of clowns. And I think Bob will just love you. Don’t you think Frost?” 

Frost nodded. “Actually I do Boss. Bob will love you Archie.” Frost grinned at the shorter man. 

Archie shrugged. “If the chances of me getting killed go up, I’m in.” 

Gaggy, who had been loitering around Joker like a bad penny, spoke up finally. “What about me Boss? I know we had a falling out about that bitc...about when Harley Quinn joined, but do you think...” 

Joker smiled. “Oh Gaggy, Gaggy, Gaggy. You know, when you were part of my gang, we had some good times, really, but you know people move on, times change.” 

Gaggy made a sour face. “You’re talking about Harley Quinn aren’t you?” 

Joker nodded. “I’m sorry Gaggy, but yes, Harley is very, very important to me.” 

Gaggy growled. “What does that stupid dame have that I don’t? Can she make you laugh like I used to? Help you come up with schemes like I always did?” 

Joker grinned with a soft chuckle putting his hands in front of him to mime while she spoke. “Well, she has these fantastic breasts and a mouth that can…” Joker growled pleasantly. “I’ll just say she’s great with that mouth.” He giggled and continued. “Anyway my dear. She’s smart, beautiful, funny, with the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen. And yes, she can make me laugh. I’m sorry my dear Gaggy, but there simply isn’t any room for a has-been sour clown in our little group. Some family members are better when they are far, far away...or dead.” 

Gaggy narrowed his eyes. “I knew this was a mistake when that ditz invited me over. I should have listened to my gut. This isn’t over Joker, not by a long shot! No stupid cunt is going to take my place!” Gaggy pointed his finger at Joker. “You watch out, there is going to be another Clown Prince of Crime!! You’ll see!! I’ll be bigger and better than you!!! You watch! Soon Gotham will forget all about you because a bigger and better clown will be in your place!! Then you’ll come crying to old Gaggy!! You’ll want to be my sidekick! You’ll SEE!!!” 

Gaggy turned and ran for the door that led off the roof. Joker let him go with an amused expression before he turned to Archie and Frost. 

“I think I might regret that later,” Joker muttered then shrugged with a laugh. “He can’t be bigger than me, he’s too short!” He grinned at Frost and Archie. “Oh well, that’s future Joker’s problem! For now, let’s go home, I’m bored.” He began to walk toward the exit taking a drag on his cigarette, smoke slowly rolling from his lips as he spoke. “Harley better be home by now because I’m tired, bored and need a good game of knocking boots, give Harley the old meat injection, some rubbing the rhubarb, pollinating the flower, slappin the skins, the beast with two backs…” Joker continued to list slang terms for sex as he pulled the door open and headed down the stairs, his voice echoing up from the stairwell as Frost and Archie followed. “The old hump and grind, riding the hobby horse…” 

Archie frowned looking up at Frost. “How long is he gonna keep naming sex terms?” 

Frost sighed. “Probably until he gets Harley upstairs.” 

“Harley?” Archie asked. “That other freaky little clown said something about a Harley Quinn?” 

“The Joker’s girlfriend,” Frost replied. 

Archie looked surprised. “Huh, that clown has a girlfriend. I would have never guessed that.” 

Frost nodded. “He does. Just so you know, fastest way to die, say something bad about Harley.” 

Archie grinned. “Really?” 

Frost nodded. “That’ll get you killed faster than anything--and probably not in the way you want to go. But once you meet her, I doubt you’ll want to take that route. Harley is sweet, keeps the Boss from really going off the deep end. You’ll like her--everyone does. Well, except Gaggy there.” Frost wondered how long it would take before Joker killed his old partner. 

Archie nodded. “Okay then.” 

* 

When Joker arrived back at the hideout with Frost and Archie in tow, he was still speaking to them with a grin on his lips. “Tube steak and underwear sauce, westling the wonder weasel, saying howdy to the one eyed snake, the Devil’s Mambo…” 

Frost muttered in awe. “I didn’t know there were that many slang terms for sex.” 

Joker laughed. “Don’t even get me started in Italian! Una volta Dio mi disse: “Figliolo, puoi scegliere se avere un pisello enorme o una buona memoria, solo che non mi ricordo più cosa ho risposto!” 

He opened the door and stopped short to find a trail of rose petals at the door that led through the living room (which had been a mess when they had all left, leaving Joker to assume Bob had done some cleaning because Harley hated nothing more than a dirty hideout) and up the stairs to their shared room. Joker beamed when he saw the rose petals and took off his hat, dropping it onto the couch, followed by his coat and gloves. “Looks like Harley’s back boys. I suggest you go make yourselves scarce. Mistah J needs to go play some hide the salami.” 

Frost paled and put his hand on Archie’s shoulder turning the smaller man around. “Why don’t we head over to the other part of the hideout. I can introduce you to the other guys, see if Bob is hanging out…maybe get him to make some of his cheesecake...” 

Archie shrugged letting himself be drawn away while Joker followed the trail of rose petals up the stairs having already dismissed the two other men from his mind. 

* 

When he opened the door to their little apartment, he saw that Harley had been busy since she had been back from shopping. She had set several stuffed shopping bags to one side of the room, all emblazoned with the store name across them, Bergduffs. He could see some shoes boxes, some clothing was set out, dresses, suits, gloves, but most of the boxes were still packed. Harley had also moved some of the furniture out of the way except for one dining room chair. There was only one lamp on, casting the rest of the room in inky shadows, except for the chair. 

The chair was surrounded by rose petals and across the back were a pair of handcuffs, not the kind you bought at an adult store, but real handcuffs. 

Joker let the door close behind him, stepping into the circle of light that surrounded the chair. He reached over and picked up the handcuffs when he heard Harley’s voice. “Put one on, sit down and put your hands behind your back.” 

Joker quirked a brow, but did as she requested, putting the metal clasp around one wrist, then turned and sat down, putting his hands behind him. He heard and felt Harley step up behind him taking his free wrist and wrapping the cuff around it, locking his arms together. She slowly walked around to face him. 

Joker swallowed, staring at her. 

Harley was wearing black straps that crossed under and around her breasts, leading up to a choker around her neck. There were three straps across her hips, that came down around her sex, framing it in a perfect black, leather strapped triangle. When she did a little spin in front of Joker, he could see that the straps wrapped around her rear in a way that framed it too, making his crotch tighten while looking at her. She had her hair up in a high top knot, her lips painted bright red, her eyes outlined in dark eyeliner that ended at points, making the blue jump out in vivid color. And, to top everything off, she was wearing a pair of over-the-knee leather boots that faded from black to red, the heels looking deadly enough that she could kill a man with them. 

Harley giggled when she saw his expression. “Like it? Ivy picked out the boots for me. This is one of the presents I got you today.” 

Joker’s smile was wide showing all his teeth. “I like all of it very much. But, why do I have to be handcuffed?” 

Harley giggled. “Because silly.” 

She walked into the shadows again, Joker’s eyes glued to her backside. After a couple of seconds he heard the sounds of Lana del Rey’s song “Groupie Love” begin to play as Harley strode out of the shadows. She moved slowly, swaying her hips in time to the music, her boots making a soft click against the floor until she was standing in front of him. She smiled dragging the tips of her fingers up her body while she undulated to the music. 

Joker watched Harley, mesmerized by her, his eyes tracing each place her fingers touched against her skin, each sway of her hips, each sinuous movement of her arms and her legs. He was a thirsty man and she was his source of life. He sucked in his bottom lip, his groin swelling and pressing against his slacks painfully, yet delightfully. She was gorgeous at the worst of times, but right now, this was the best of times. 

Harley slowly lowered herself to her hands and knees, her blue eyes steamy as she crawled closer. Joker’s breathing became shallow, quick, his heart hammered against his chest, his erection pressed against his slacks even tighter than a few heartbeats earlier. Harley stopped, just inches from him and with a wink, rolled onto her back, throwing her legs up into the air and parting them, giving him a good look at her. 

Joker groaned at the sight of her, pink, wet, welcoming...he hissed. “Harley, damn it…” 

She giggled pushing herself up into a handstand, her legs held out. She slowly arched herself, easing her legs back, wrapping them around his waist and pulled herself up onto his lap, dropping her legs to the floor, her heels making a discernible click. 

Joker giggled. “Damn.” 

Harley smiled, sliding her hands along his throat, dropping one hand back behind her to grab his knee while she pressed the fingers of her other hand into his shoulder and rolled her hips, pressing herself against the trapped bulge of his erection. 

Joker swallowed, his eyes fluttering as he groaned. She heard the clink of the handcuffs when Joker jerked his arms unable to break free while Harley, making soft erotic sounds, continued to rub against him, leaving a damp place against his erection. She pushed herself up. He groaned again when their contact was broken. Harley turned and dropped down to her knees between his legs before she pushed herself up and leaned back against him, rolling her body in time to the music. She ran one hand along his thigh while her other hand caressed her breast, catching her nipple between her fingers and squeezing, rolling the sensitive nipple. She hissed with pleasure, sliding her hand down from her breasts to between her legs, her legs spread wide, balanced on her heels, her fingers sliding down to caress the wetness of her excitement. 

Joker growled, his groin aching watching her while she touched herself, her fingers sliding between her legs, back and forth. Harley’s head was against his chest, her eyes closed. The way she kept her legs up, the muscles in her thighs were strong, the heels of the boots giving her more lift, the leather straps pressed against her skin. The fingers of her other hand squeezed into his thigh, her rubbing picking up speed, her breath coming out in desperate pants while she brought herself closer to climax. He wanted her so badly, he wanted to be touching her, though he was enjoying watching her at the same time, the way her body moved, the sounds she was making, the pink of her nipples against her skin, her legs spread. He jerked desperately on the cuffs, but he was unable to do anything except watch. 

Harley gasped, cumming with an arch of her body that made Joker hiss. She pushed herself up to her feet and Joker’s blue eyes followed her as she walked around him to stand behind him. She brought her damp fingers around to brush them over his lips. 

Joker’s tongue came out to desperately lick at her wet fingers. She giggled sliding her fingers into his mouth. He sucked on her fingers closing his eyes, tasting her on his tongue. 

She whispered against his ear. “You like that Mistah J? 

Joker made a sound like he was devouring something delicious. 

Harley giggled softly and raised one leg over his shoulder, the heel of her boot pressed against his thigh, taking her fingers from his mouth and pulled his tie loose. 

He could feel the heat and softness of her breasts pressed against his hair as she pulled his tie free, running her hands down his chest, her fingers reaching down to pull his vest open at the same time she brushed her nose and lips against the thick curls of his dark green hair while pulling his shirt out of his slacks. She didn’t bother with the buttons--she had just got him several new shirts, so she grabbed the sides of his shirt in each hand and pulled. Buttons popped free and danced off into the darkness of the room with little clatters. Harley growled, running her hands down his chest and stomach, her fingers spread wide to feel every muscle, every inch of his silky skin. Her fingertips brushed over the many tiny scars that criss-crossed his torso, all of him making her hotter, her body aching for more. She leaned in and licked Joker’s ear, pressing the tips of her nails into his skin. 

Joker groaned loudly, leaning heavily against the back of the chair. “You’re killing me Harls…” 

She purred against his ear. “Good.” 

She ran her hands up from his stomach, over his chest and shoulders before she stepped back, turning to walk in front of him. 

The music had switched to something else; he wasn’t even sure what it was, all Joker knew was that the music made Harley sway her hips, moved her gorgeous legs in a way that made him want to bury himself inside her. Harley grinned at him when she stepped closer, putting her hands on his knees, spreading his legs before she dropped to her knees between his legs and began to slowly unfasten his slacks. 

Joker watched her, his eyes blazing with need as Harley slowly set him free, pulling back his slacks and pulling him free of his boxers. His erection was hard, hot. He hissed when his erection hit the cooler air of the room, but Harley quickly wrapped her hands around his pale member, squeezing. Joker jerked at her touch. 

Harley gave him a sweet smile. “Mm...poor Mistah J. I promise, you’re going to get it...I’m going to fuck you like an animal...” she whispered, her eyes on him as she brushed her lips against his shaft, then her tongue slowly circled the head of his shaft. 

Joker groaned loudly, his breathing fast and deep as he watched her. 

She gave him a beautiful smile then wrapped her lips around him, taking him deep into her mouth. 

Joker’s eyes roll and he groaned. “Uhh...Harley…” 

She sucked deeply, pressing her lips against him, her tongue moving back and forth slowly in smooth wet strokes against the sensitive skin of his shaft as she held him in her mouth, tasting his excitement on her tongue. She pulled up, her lips pressed lightly against him, then harder, her tongue rolling against him, drenching him in her saliva before she lowered her mouth down once more and sucked deeply. 

Joker jerked against the cuffs, only vaguely aware that the cuffs were cutting into his wrists a little. “Uhah!” he gasped in excitement. 

Harley finally released him and stood. She gave him a wink before she straddled his lap. She reached down holding him ready for her. 

“Do you want me puddin?” Harley purred, stroking the pad of her thumb up and down on him. 

Joker took a shuddering breath before he growled. “Yes pumpkin, I want you.” 

Harley giggled, lowering herself down just enough to stroke the head of his penis against her, covering him in her juices, teasing them both. Joker snarled, biting down on his need, enjoying the erotic torture. 

Harley whimpered; she couldn’t stand it any longer. She lowered herself down on him gasping as his erection stretched and filled her. She reached up and grabbed his shoulders holding on as he filled her, both of them groaning together when their bodies joined together. Harley arched her back, her fingers pressing into his shoulders. He felt so good inside her, filling her, warm and hard. She ground against him, thrusting hard. She rolled her hips, stroking herself on his erection, squeezing, giving herself over to fucking him until she came again with a gasp, her body arching while she pressed down on him. She leaned in and kissed him, her tongue sliding into his mouth. Joker kissed her back, his tongue playing along hers in a desperate need, the wetness of her surrounding him, pressing around his erection until he thought he couldn’t breathe. Each thrust, each brush of her breasts against his chest pulled at every nerve ending. 

Joker groaned and hissed against her mouth when he felt her squeeze him, her fluids gushing over him. He growled in frustration, unable to hold her like he wanted. He struggled for a moment, trying to free his hands. He focused, reaching up with long fingers to pull the cuff link out from his shirt sleeve. While Harley rode on him, making him gasp for breath with each thrust of her hips, he unlocked the cuffs. 

Joker brought his feet up, the heels of his shoes against the legs of his chair as he pressed his legs up, his body tightening while she rode him, grinding him into the chair. 

Harley cupped his face, kissing him, biting at his tongue and his lips when she heard the clatter of the metal handcuffs falling to the floor. 

Joker grabbed her hips, his fingers pressing into her skin, holding her down against him. “Harley…” he hissed against her mouth, sliding his hands to her lower back, his fingers wide as he slid them over her rear and squeezed. 

Harley responded with a purr and slid her hands to either side of his head, mussing his hair. “My Mistah J…” 

Joker smiled against her mouth, his eyes looking deep into hers when he answered. “Always yours pumpkin.” 

Harley laughed and gasped. “Oh puddin!” 

She ground harder, bouncing up and down while Joker caressed her backside and up the slope of her back, kissing her passionately, his tongue caressing hers, his lips pulling at hers. He dipped his face down then and caught the nipple of one breast in his mouth and sucked deeply until Harley arched back with a cry. 

He felt her cum again and he grunted, wrapping his hands around the leather straps of her outfit, his fingers wrapped tight around the straps at her hips, thrusting her down on him hard and fast. The chair creaked in protest, his heels pressed hard against the legs. His grunts quickly turned into a moans of aching pleasure as he came with an intensity that had his heart slamming against his breastbone, his orgasm draining everything from him. He held her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her until he was utterly spent. 

Harley wrapped her arms around him, and held his head against her breasts, her lips and nose buried in his thick green hair. She sighed happily holding him close--her puddin, her Mistah J...hers... 

* 

Harley sat in bed completely naked, the blankets pulled up over her lap and breasts. She had her legs up, her arms wrapped around her knees, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders with a bright red sucker in her mouth as she waited. 

After a couple of seconds she pulled the sucker out of her mouth. “What’s taking so long?!” 

She heard Joker in the bathroom yell back. “Just hold your horses!!! GEEZ WOMAN!” 

Harley giggled, put the sucker back in her mouth, and waited only a few seconds longer when the door opened and Joker walked out dressed in one of several suits she had brought home for him. That wasn’t counting the over a dozen dress shirts, six new vests, dozens of pairs of socks, boxers or ties she had gotten out of the drug addled Lance--and all for free. 

Joker yelled. “Okay, I’m ready!” 

Harley squealed with delighted and clambered out of the bed naked yelling back. “Okay hold on a minute puddin!!!” 

She rushed over to where her phone lay at the far end of the bedside table. She flopped down on the edge of the bed and quickly raced through her music until she found the one she wanted. She hit play as Joker stepped out wearing a wine red three piece suit, navy blue dress shirt, flowered blue and red tie along with a pair of brightly colored jigsaw patterned socks, and a pair of copper brown monk strap boots. 

He grinned as he walked out and did a little twirl before he did a two step to the music. He slid his thumbs into the pockets of his vest and kicked his legs out before he did another spin and threw his arms out. He did a little lock and pop and he rolled his shoulders followed by a spin on the heels of his shoes. He stopped and did a couple of steps rolling his hips while Harley got on her knees on the bed and clapped. 

“Oh puddin, you are so hot!” 

Joker grinned wider putting one foot forward and spread his arms, bowing low at the waist. “Why, thank you my dear.” He stood with a wink. “I do like my new threads. You, my sweet are the best gift, of course.” 

Harley blushed. “Aww, puddin...though how about you come over here and let me get you out of them again.” 

Joker laughed “But Harls, I have at least another half dozen to try on.” 

Harley stuck her lip out. “I don’t care. Bed now, more clothes later.” 

He shrugged and began to pull at his tie. “Well, I can’t exactly say no to that now can I?”


End file.
